I spent years seeking the truth about who or what God is. I searched near and far, in philosophy, religion, psychology, astrology, meditation and numerous other mystical concepts. All the so called experts disagreed and often violently so. I finally came to the conclusion that there was no such thing as THE truth.
I determined that each path was valid in its own way but what I was really looking for was the right path for me. All I had to do was find a set of beliefs that I could relate to and work with, to create an internal structure that gave me a sense of love, worth and security. So more searching and experimentation ensued but still no joy, still no path that felt right for me.
Beliefs are wonderful for providing a framework to work within but like all structures they require constant maintenance. For every existential question that is answered by religion another hundred are birthed. Ultimately the beliefs I had adopted became a prison of my own making.
Finally, I realised that every path has a set of beliefs that have been determined by someone else in another time and place and then interpreted and re-interpreted by many others. Did I really want to tie myself up in knots with a set of beliefs that are full of other peoples prejudices, limitations and ignorance? Why was I giving away my power to a bunch of strangers and allowing them to determine what I should think and therefore, how I should act?
So in the end I stopped seeking and decided that whatever or whoever God is, God is individualised as me. I dumped the spiritual/religious baggage that I had subscribed to over the years and just believed in me. The only way I could truly have a relationship with God is through myself. When I believe in my own love, goodness and compassion, then God is alive and living through me. That’s all I really needed to know. I stopped giving away my power and claimed my own internal divinity. This was hugely liberating and empowering and improved my life dramatically. My stress levels plummeted when I stopped trying to appease the God who exists in the mind of others.
My daily spiritual practise consists of meditating on love, health and well-being. I practise expanding my capacity for compassion by looking for ways to understand people instead of condemning them. I take responsibility for my life and the choices I make. When bad things happen I no longer look for someone to blame, or question some distant God as to why. I accept that life is complicated, that there are many questions I will never get the answer to, my time is better spent looking for ways to be at peace with life and its tribulations.
If you are following a religious path that brings you security, joy and fulfilment, I’m happy for you, I truly am. I have no wish to drag you off your chosen path and convert you to my way of thinking. I do not claim to know THE truth of who or what God is. I simply claim to have found a way that works for me. I share this post for my fellow travellers, for those who have followed a spiritual trajectory similar to mine and are looking for some like minded company.
It’s not easy to dance to the beat of your own drum but for some of us, it’s the only way to thrive!
Photo: Elena Ferrer @ Unsplash